Chumming, Toilets and Apples

So, the democrats in the Texas Legislature decided a week or so ago to talk about inconsequential stuff, called "chumming," so they could kill a bill requiring voters to show a photo ID. I was reading an account of this in the local paper today and, as usual, I found it hard to believe. They claim that the female democrats were against this tactic. So, they are trying to tell us that the men were the ones who wanted to stand around and make small talk for days on end? Yeah, right, that is what guys love to do! My husband, bless him, would rather be shot in the head than sit through four days of talk about nothing. And, when I tend to talk too much, he always says he is listening, but if I have tested this by asking him totally unrelated questions in the middle of a long story, such as ..."Can I sell your brand, new, fully loaded SUV and trade it in for one of the those cute, little electric cars?...He answers, "Whatever you want, honey." Of course, if I did that, he would most likely start paying closer attention to what I say, so that he could use it against me in court, in front of a judge, when he divorced me! Anyway, this "chumming" thing was one of the dumbest things I ever saw. All of these folks standing around, talking about how many people should be appointed to the El Paso Board of Hat Size Regulators. To heck with the other stuff, like reorganization of the biggest state agency, the Texas Department of Transportation, which is something almost every elected official in Texas needs to be done or, say, insurance for wind damage, which is a big deal to, well, anyone who has wind damage lately. Remember Hurricane Ike? So, the Hat Size Regulators, let's talk about that instead. That is an issue we are all concerned about. And, now, the democrats are realizing that some of the important stuff may not pass and they may be held accountable. So, fingers are being pointed everywhere. This reminds me of my teenage daughters. Whenever one of them does something and it goes wrong, the fingers start to point. For example, we recently had an incident where the toilet in their bathroom was stopped up. Of course, neither of them admitted that they had done anything to stop it up. When the plumber came over and found the apple in the toilet pipe, each one blamed each other. The story started tumbling out: One was in the tub eating an apple, when the other said something that made the made the apple eater mad. The apple was then thrown and ended up in the toilet right as it was being flushed. Of course, we had to pay the plumber $115 to clean up the whole mess. This chumming fiasco at the Texas House reminds me of that apple/toilet incident. The people of Texas are ending up with a big pile of crap and it is going to cost a lot to clean it up. So, maybe my girls have a future in politics!

How Hard Could This Be?

After the 335th time my husband and I heard someone yell, "Give me back my mascara," we decided to move my older daughter into the spare bedroom as it has its own bathroom. So, we moved her last weekend and when we moved the large massive, ugly bed that formerly belonged to my husband's mother (doesn't everyone love hand-me-downs), we discovered that the one eyed, one armed pirate-like guy who painted our house a few years ago (I am not kidding you), well...he decided to not move the monster bed. He just painted around the headboard. And he got away with it, cause we paid him without knowing this. So, of course, we had to paint the wall now, unless she wanted to have a weird two colored wall. My husband had already hung the curtains first thing in the morning . Of course, when he hung the curtains, I mean he got out this laser thing that makes a line on the wall, and about 14 other tools and took two hours to do so. I am talking one window here. Then, as always, he went to play golf. So, I decided my daughter and I could to paint the wall ourselves, with the theory that if a one armed, one eyed guy could do it, how hard could it be? So, my daughter and I went down to the local Sherwin Williams. I knew we were in trouble even as we walked in the store when the guy behind the counter looked at the gal behind the counter and I could tell he had lost the coin toss and had to wait on us. That stuff they say about being friendly and willing to help, well...not so much. He acted like I was the stupidest person on earth when I asked him questions, like, "What is the difference in these two rollers?" He actually said, "Two dollars." I wanted to ask him if he had smelled too much paint, but I was afraid he might charge me even more. So, my daughter picked a color and I paid Mr. Friendly a ton of money and then went home. I am the exact opposite of my husband on home improvement projects. I like to just go with the flow, not spend a lot of time with preparation. So, we start to paint. It is going well until we get to the "trim." This is really not a "go with the flow" type part of the project, but I did. Staying in the lines would have been helpful, but that did not work out, really. And to top of the whole experience, my younger daughter, who is much like the opposition party in Congress, nipping at the heels from the sidelines without really able to accomplish much, she came in, looked at the wall, and declared the color to be the same as Baby Poop, and she had a point. So, of course, I had to pull an Obama, and make the best of it, ignoring the paint outside the lines, ignoring the color and say, "It looks great." What did I learn from this experiment? Always let my husband do the home improvement projects!

Friends

Do some folks spend their entire day on Facebook? I joined it kind of on a lark, and I (inadvertedly) set is so I get an alert on my Blackberry whenever someone posts something on my page. I had no idea that this would be like, every 2 seconds. For those of you without a Facebook page, if there are any of you, there is a question, "What are you doing now?" One chick that is my "friend" on Facebook, writes stuff like, "I am washing dishes...Should I handwash the china or put it in the dishwasher....oh,no, what should I do?" Then, like ten seconds later some other "friend" writes her back, saying, "I always handwash my china separately and I highly recommend it." And, I am supposed to be interested in this? Really, the whole "friend" thing is strange. Folks I do not know want to be my "friend." They send me photos that I would have erased as soon as I sobered up, like of the "friend" passed out with empty beer bottles all around. And, then they use the photo when asking to be my "friend." Whatever happened to actually meeting folks face to face? Is that just too easy these days?

This is Sculpture?

I have always like to look at art. So, last weekend, I was on a brief trip and had a few hours with nothing to do. So, I had to drag the hubby with me, literally, to an art museum in a large mid-western city. First thing we see, is the biggest shuttlecock, or badminton birdie, in the world. (Here is a photo of me next to It. I am the one in pink, of course.) It was just sitting there in the middle of this huge field. And, then yards and yards away, was another one. Then, another. Three Its in a field. And, they call all the Its plus a few other weird things a "sculpture" garden. The others include a platoon of decapitated people standing at attention-I am not making this up. At that point, I should have had the good sense to leave without going inside, but then I would have had to admit to my husband that staying in the hotel bar would have been more fun, which was of course, his idea. So, we ventured in. Right there, in the middle of this really weirdly shaped building, was an abnormally big solid black canvas. I mean really black with some not quite as black squares. That was all. No lines, no squiggles and you can forget any people. The "artist" Mark Rothko, read "con man," sold it as "in emptiness, forms are born." Well, at least he was honest about the emptiness part. And, to add insult to injury, the "painting" was roped off so you could not get that close to it. The reason that bothered me is that later we, thank God, finally found the real art, in the other building. They actually had a Monet of water lilies, which, for some reason that only a strange Mid-Western could understand, was NOT roped off at all. So, let's think who the Risk Manager is for this joint that decided the risk of someone messing with the ugly all black canvas is more of an issue than the actual priceless painting by a well known dead artist that folks whose paintings are actually, well, of something. And, to just heap it on, there were little signs around this place that said they want to thank the National Endowment for the Arts for their support. So, in other words, on top of the $200,000 for tattoo removal of gang members in the recent federal budget supported by President Obama, Nancy Pelosi and the other liberals in DC, we have to pa some con man to paint a canvas solid black with our tax dollars. Right now or anytime, I make a standing offer to paint a canvas any solid color for half of what the Rothko guy got paid. If I get to pick, I will make it all pink!

Don't Cast Pearls Before Swine

It seems all we can talk about these days is swine flu. Anything whose first name is "swine" definitely has a PR problem. For the last few days, some folks have been obsessed with the swine flu and forget about buying one of those little surgical masks. Did you ever see the "I Love Lucy" episode where Lucy and Ethel are at the department store sale and they had to elbow the other women out of the way to buy a dress? It is the same situation at the local Walgreen's if you are trying to buy a mask or any flu medicine. And, who wants to wear a mask anyway? If you have the flu, you should be home. And if you are out and about wearing a mask, everyone assumes you are Typhoid Mary and clears a 20 foot radius when you walk by. I saw an acquaintance at the grocery store wearing one and the yahoo came over and wanted to shake my hand. I had to do the "I did not see the hand go out" routine, which is always awkward, to avoid touching his hand.
And now, the "swine" folks are all upset that pigs are getting a bad name because of the flu and want to change the name. Political correctness strikes again and please, the word swine has had a problem for a long time. Look it up...swine means an obnoxious person, like the guy in the mask trying to shake hands at the HEB.
And at least our VP Joe has provided some comic relief on the whole situation. After he opened his mouth and inserted both feet on the "Today" show this week when he said, basically, we should shut down public transit, the White House got to spend two days saying idiotic things like, "What the Vice President meant to say was..." It sounded like me trying to explain what my teenager said. Well, at least we are getting some good jokes out of the Obama administration these days, along with the "Its So Big I'm Not Sure What Number to Use"Debt.